I left school fairly early. Not because I was not smart. That is what people kept telling me, actually: could do better. Three words on every report card, every term, for years. Sitting still for hours, following a linear class, handing things in on time. It was exhausting at a level I could not explain. I was a daydreamer. That was the explanation. And since nobody looked for another, the people around me concluded I was not trying.
I worked odd jobs. I started projects I never finished. I had stretches where everything went fast, where I would obsess over a topic for three weeks, where I could read for twelve hours straight on something that captured me. And other stretches where I could not even open an email.
For a long time I thought it was a willpower problem. That I was lazy. That other people focused because they were more disciplined, more serious, more grown-up than me.
The diagnosis
The ADHD diagnosis came in adulthood. I was not even looking for it. A therapist I was seeing for something else asked me one day: "Has anyone ever talked to you about ADHD?" I was 33. Nobody ever had.
The tests confirmed it. And two things hit at the same time. First, relief. A real, physical relief. "So I am not just lazy. There is a reason." Then, anger. Not a small anger. A deep one. Why nobody had seen this before. Why all those years of school failure, guilt, "you could if you wanted to," when my brain just did not work like other people's.
I do not know what to do with that anger. It is still there. I do not think it will leave.
Medication
After the diagnosis, my doctor prescribed Ritalin. It worked on focus. Really. For the first time in my life I could sit down and work for two hours without drifting off. It felt surreal.
But something was missing. A distance. As if I were behind glass. More efficient, more linear, less present. I stopped after four months. It was not the right solution for me. It might be for you. I write about it in detail here.
Nootropics
After Ritalin, I started testing nootropics. I was not looking for a replacement. I was looking for something that would help me without changing me. Maybe naive. Some had effects I did not expect. Others did nothing at all. I document all of it week by week.
Why this site
When I got the diagnosis, I went looking for honest first-person accounts. I found cold medical forums, generic articles copy-pasted from each other, and Instagram accounts selling their method. Nothing honest. Nothing personal. Nothing that resembled what I was living through.
This site is what I wish I had found back then. Honest experience reports, including when nothing changed. Reading notes. Tests documented week by week. No promises. No top picks. No five-step methods.
I am not a doctor. I am not a researcher. I am not a coach. I am someone with an ADHD diagnosis who reads a lot, tests things, and writes down what he observes. When I do not know, I say so. When something does not work, I say that too.
Why anonymous
You will not find my last name here, nor my photo, nor the details of my professional path. It is not fear. It is a choice.
To write honestly about mental health, medication, attachment, and relationships, I need a space where what I write will not follow me into a job interview, a family dinner, a client meeting. Anonymity gives me that space. Without it, I know I would write something else. Smoother. More cautious. Less useful.
The first name Alex is real. Everything else you read is real too. The only thing that changes is the wrapper.
What this site is not
It is not a medical site. It is not a guide. It is not a coaching site. There is no "Alex Method in five steps." There is an ADHD brain trying to understand itself and documenting the process.
If you recognise yourself in what I describe, you are welcome here. Read what interests you, ignore the rest.
Where to start
If you are wondering whether any of this applies to you, the 7-question self-assessment is a starting point (not a diagnosis).
The site is organised in three parts.
- Understand: ADHD, hypersensitivity, giftedness, RSD, hyperfocus. What it is and what it is not.
- Living with: medication, nootropics, organization, work, sleep, relationships.
- Journal: personal stories, reports on what I am testing, reflections.
And there is a library with the books, podcasts and documentaries that helped.